it was NOT mistaken (love letter)

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Heya!! I'm back with just another post, I have no clue what I'm going to write but ummm I have something on my mind right now so lets get started 
it was years back when I was happy heh heh I'm still happy it's just that I'm missing out on something which I probably can't find right now, everything is on its place but I still lack something, may be those not so properly fought fights rip my soul apart before I go to sleep each night. Even today I woke up with lots of things in my mind I was scared I was wondering if these dreams mean anything if I should contact old aquantances here the question is not how go or bad it's going to be but do I even have the courage to speak to people? It takes a lot of courage to even speak to someone and it takes just 2 secs to call few very few people of my life. I usually don't contact people until something is really broken inside me or may be it's applicable to only someone, ughhh I'm back to where I was years back I can't resist I know nobody would read this or at least that person won't so it's all okey💫.
It was NOT mistaken
Was it love or was it purely attraction?! This question made zillions of people get into trouble including your very own diksha singh 🙊 heeeheeee I wonder what if I was still there? I wonder what if I was worsen? Because love is not just talking to someone and love is so not like friendship, love means commitment, love means forever. And and and.. am I ready to get stuck with "love" ? However, I know that I'm not ready to do something which will make me stuck but for now I need to make my wings ready to fly high?! That's really something! Or may be the reason why I have been avoiding love in my life since so long... I dun know why but it doesn't feel like it used to, may be it the person or whatever but love is peaceful and happiness, it's not irritation and regrets. 
I'm not looking for love or may be I'm not looking for love in anyone other than him and that's the reason why it's so really so difficult for me to settle for just anyone...
I have no clue if I'm really going to post this or draft it soon after writing... I just wanted to have a picture together and one last eye contact cause I missed it out for no reasonable reason other than not falling together again, apart and a-part this definitely means something. I'm an insane writer and what I get in replies is abbreviated letters. That can do 2 things to me 1. break me (but I'm already so broken ) 2. Inspire me in an unbelievable way and make me scribble down thousands of words at my blog or my diary. 
I'm playing really sweet songs in the background and my mood is helping me write more XP
I think I'm getting too personal :| 
It wasn't mistaken by both of us to try each other out, don't say it wasn't anything because what we have even today means something, I don't know what you are going through or anything but I have felt love in you and seriously I may say something which may hurt you but I love you a thousand times more than you will ever imagine I never spent a single day without checking our convo, I still wait because I feel it's worth waiting for the person I felt love and I had my very own first date with, you were and are my everything, my heart and you know it, we both know it...
Each time I saw you typing and backspacing, there's something we both are keeping inside us, I hate you and I love you and the fact is, it's only you.
Ughh I messed up byeee
I love you*♾

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