Feeling Lost

Feeling lost

hey there !!

nowadays i am home for some time a whole month ughh... its crazy its tough so what i do the entire day is read books, study and do math yeahh and my mother says she’s in her world she doesnt smile she looks as if shes in tension and shes always lost! so this is what my mother says for me...

now what i feel is i dunno how to be more active the thing i do the most is and i try to do is spend time with myself, reading books really make me happy and studying is to achieve something which which pay for all my bills obviously heh heh. computer science is my favorite and google or amazon is something i wanna work for now these dreamy and drizzy thoughts make me feel meaningful and make my mother think i am lost in my life.

yeahh i am living a senseless and meaningless life and insecurity is on the top. insecure to such extent that i feel scared and i try to keep my privacy tight like who follows me and sees my stuff. i am always coscious about all this may be the world has damaged me to such extent that i dont want anyone to see my wounds anymore. these are the exact feelings i have now you feel as if they will hurt me in a way or other i want to keep my privacy high and all i see is insecurity. may be i want someone i need someone to make me believe that he or she will stand by me even the worst situations because all they do is hurt you in the end. i need someone i can trust like nobody else who will make me feel safe and happy. but those feelings are long lost they are lost. now so that i am on my own and theres nobody whom i can trust yeahh i do feel a bit lost and yeahh a bit depressed in simple terms. pre occupying ones self to such extent that you no longer talk to people around you and a time comes when they start noticing it they start mentioning it to you and people around you. dunno where all these things will take us but just hoping for a lil’ normacy.

i have been thinking about people and when they say lets date and i am like no ‘cause you need feelings real feelings for that reason and i am not interested in doing just anything whyy everybad thing has to happen with me well for now i am not interested anymore in anyone.